To bring 2010 to a close I signed up for transformation. Really? Yup, I made a plan, I told a couple of people, I set off. That's a big word, what's the idea here?
I wanted to know if it is possible to pursue real change actively, alone or with assistance. Within the big middle does change only arrive as a kick in the head or on the crest of some unwonted disaster? I have defined 'the big middle' as a time for semi-affluent types that spans 30-65 (the Heartland says 38-70, so I'm in the ball park; Jonathan Franzen also has ideas on this topic). The idea is to explore how we behave when we step outside what is required and play in the space known as what is possible with a bit of extra effort.
I have become increasingly averse to risk taking, hesitating to state a sketchy goal that might require inconvenient follow up. I find I never get after myself in ways that hold me fully accountable or skirt the possibility of humiliation, can I share my privacy if it means later awkwardness. How can I unload this behemoth of mindset, behavior pattern and limiting construct? Is this a safe haven or a nice box with what looks like a control panel painted in pastels that drip down the wall when it rains?
With only a few days left in the calendar, I headed off to the Midwestern hinterland, literally the Heartland (which is a place, not a concept; check the reference using: Illinois, Gilman). I had a few stated goals, mostly less well conceived, hazy hopes. Sounds like my favorite bad dream on the day before school starts.
Since this is just a lighthearted post, I feel the need to post disclaimers. This isn't a recipe for anyone else, I can't repeat it, there is no pattern for good luck or happiness. It's just a reminder to myself not to be so lacking in initiative or, better yet, in courage. Lots of help is out there but a small request is the first order of the day. It turns out that the instant I ask for assistance help is at hand.
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Your post is bang on--and a most useful starting point for a great conversation. It sparked a lot of good stuff for me,and here are a few responses from my side of the fence.
Transition is a subject that seems to be on everyone's breath these days. My own included. In a way the word is change, but with a richer name. For me, the word transition registers a dynamic that implies/can engage vision, adventure, curiosity, birthing, repositioning--the list of possibilities here are legion.
At the same time, and as you point out, there are also crosswinds that come with transition--winds that involve risk, fear, control shifts [habits], even potential immobility and stasis. Such crosswinds also form a long list. Seems that I often tend to play with both lists simultaneously, and that can make sorting things out challenging and difficult. But for me it's necessary work--the kind that pushes me towards a bit more insight and personal integrity. So your post was helpful here and an encouragement.
Also, by focusing attention in the post on the "big middle," you give some specificity to transition as an activity--a process in which all of us find ourselves today, no matter if we are "pre-middlers" or "post-middlers." Granted each group have their own differences/issues, but that's another conversation. For now and along with you, I am especially interested in "the big middle."
Add to this my deep appreciation for your being willing to carry on this transition conversation in a personal way. I tend to get too abstract and conceptual about this kind of stuff. Still my experience tells me I find a deeper and more usable truth when it comes wrapped in illustration, examples, direct life experience, stories. And this is the sort of thing you do very well, often with a flare! It's a great way to hold a conversation--no mater how deep the subject. And I am open to learning how to do his better. So remind me when I go abstract!
Then there is this notion of "stepping out" [in order to see in]. I think that notion can be very useful here--a kind of antidote to getting lost in the circle/cycle of subjectivity, that is, getting trapped inside the same continuously rotating wheel or practice. That can eventually lead to depression and all sorts of ailments. [But that is another conversation.]
I also picked up on your notion of "habits." How interesting. It's my view that you are also bang on here. While some habits can be helpful, especially if they are part of a specific discipline [dancing, for example], you are right in that they can also have negative effects. So I ask myself, what are helpful habits and what are not, and what makes up the difference? Where do these habits come from--families, society, assumptions, belief systems, culture? Also what kind of habits are actually going on inside and/or are characteristic of "the big middle?" What values support [or do not support] these habits? Does one have to identify habits in order to bust out of them, that is, "transition" so that one can actually go from "here to "there?" Know that I am actually talking to myself here.
As you can see I am already hooked into your post and its topics/subjects. So oh yes, I have been pulled into the conversation. With more comments to come.
The horses are again out of the starting gate.
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